Nail That Wedding Toast! Easy, Heartfelt Tips for the Big Day

It’s that time of year…

Wedding season is in full effect!!

This is one of the most popular months for couples to get married.

A lot of preparation is being undertaken by the bride and groom to be as ready as possible for the big day.

The wedding party is also doing a lot of preparing: getting the requested attire, planning bridal showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties, buying plane tickets if they live far away, and participating in the wedding practice session so they know how to walk and where to stand when the ceremony starts (I once saw a maid of honor walk in a completely different direction than everyone else, so the importance of practice for everyone should be taken seriously!).  They are also taking on another very important task – giving a speech at the reception. This is often done by the best man and maid of honor, but can be by anyone in the party.

Even though these toasts are short (usually 3-5 minutes), it can feel like an eternity if you are not comfortable speaking in front of a group. You may even start to feel dread as the day gets closer and closer, instead of excitement and joy.

Being asked to be a part of one of the most special days in a person’s life is truly an honor and a blessed experience! I’ve been asked to be in three weddings, so I speak from first-hand knowledge. Here are four of my top recommendations to make your big speaking moment go smooth so you’ll look forward to it:

1. Set aside some time in advance to think about what would be most important for you to say in those few minutes (it goes by faster than you think). The best man or maid of honor will often mention how they met the bride or groom, which may be a very funny or unusual story in itself! What’s something you love or admire about them? Are there any adventures you’ve shared that stick out? Is there something the guests would be surprised to learn about them (nothing embarrassing, but maybe a little known fun fact)? For example, do they have a nickname that has an interesting origin? Start brainstorming a list of memorable moments, stories, and even conversations you’ve had that will inspire content for the speech. You can also add any words of wisdom if you wish. There should still be a structure to this speech, as you don’t want it to sound like a random list of ramblings. Think about two or three key points or stories to cover, what details are important to say about those points/stories, how you want to open, and always end on a high note! Make sure you practice delivering it multiple times, so it becomes ingrained. Remember, the couple is just happy to hear your sincere words and not looking for a perfect Ted Talk.
2. When you’re at the reception and it’s almost time for you to speak, remember to take DEEP breaths to calm your nervous system and reduce stress. When we’re nervous, one of the first things we start doing is shallow breathing, which ironically makes us more nervous – which causes more shallow breathing. Truly a vicious cycle! Try a relaxation technique called square breathing: Slowly inhale through your nose for four counts. Hold your breath for four counts. Exhale slowly through your mouth for four counts. Hold your breath for four counts. Repeat a few times.
3. As you stand up and look out at the audience, SMILE. Science says that the upward turned lips send signals to our brain, which then releases happy hormones such as dopamine and endorphins. So, a smile really does have the power to make us feel good and not just look good! And think about it – don’t most people usually smile back once you smile at them? Yup! And you’ll find this to be even truer in a situation where people are already in a joyful mood, such as a wedding. You have a captive audience ready to hear you. Smile, make eye contact with the happy couple and a few audience members, and don’t rush. You want every word to be heard and felt. You’ve taken the time to prepare these precious words, so let them SINK IN. And it is ok to bring notes! Holding your notes may actually make you feel more calm. When we hold an object, it helps ground us by bringing our attention to the present moment and breaking our fixation on anxious thoughts. Holding a microphone or champagne flute works as well.
4. This is optional, but you could get the guests involved. When you’re approaching the end, you could say something like “as I wrap this up, I’d like to invite (or ask) everyone here to join me in saying these words to the newlyweds…” Think about what inspirational or impactful words you’d love for them to say in unison. Do a quick countdown and then…let ‘er rip!! Audiences (including wedding guests) love interaction, and this is an effective simple way to engage them.

You got this!! Be sincere, present, and…be yourself! Laugh if a certain part of the story of how you both met is still hilarious to you, or pause at another point for a moment if you’re feeling emotional and a little choked up. Humanity always wins.

Go ahead and make the couple’s day with your heartfelt words. I dare you!

P.S. If the thought of giving a wedding speech — or any kind of public speaking — makes your heart race and your words hard to come out, you don’t have to face it alone. Join me for my Speak with Confidence class on June 28th! In this 2-hour session, you’ll learn practical techniques to calm your nerves, speak with clarity, and feel ready when it’s your time in the spotlight. Click here to register — I’d love to see you there!